The Cost of Impaired Driving

When my husband Shane is away on a trip I get nervous, mainly because I have PTSD, also because four of my family members were killed by a drunk driver, and mostly because I am not in control of what could happen.
If he promises to call, but hours pass and I should have heard from him by now, I automatically think “he’s dead”. For however long it takes to hear from him I imagine the police coming to my door, or a call from his work since he would be in the U.S. more often than not. I imagine the next few days, and how hellish, empty, and hard they will be. I try to prepare myself for that horrible moment I never want to experience again. Most of all, I wonder what I will do without him for the rest of my life?
This happens EVERY SINGLE TIME. I can’t help it. I can’t stop it. It’s like I am living in a perpetual state of trauma and I have TRIED to pray it away, wish it away, “positive thinking” it away, but it remains.
Normal life is a dim memory. It was a decade ago. Like it or not this is my new reality. It took him years to learn me; years to fully understand my pain. This is not something he should have had to deal with. This is not something anyone should have to deal with, and for what?
Drinking and driving doesn’t just leave you without a licence, a job, or maybe a marriage. It doesn’t just kill relationships or other people’s loved ones in some “accident” (I HATE that word because to me it’s NOT an accident if you make the decision to drive drunk!). It doesn’t just leave a scar from the traumatic ripping away of another human being’s life in one tragic, unstoppable instant. It scars those you indirectly hurt by taking away their loved ones. Sometimes it leaves them bleeding for years and years. Sometimes it ruins the lives of the First Responders who didn’t want to go into work that day and see dead children, but you left them with no choice.
That choice belongs to you.

Ronda's IPhone 06.15 1088

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