July 15, ’06 – Aug 28, ’06

August 28

There are good things

So I finally meet someone and he is a kind, handsome gentleman that is thisclose to capturing my heart!!! We just decided on this thing yesterday and It’s bowled me over and taken me by surprise. From the moment we met it felt natural to be together. I’ve heard that you only find someone when your not really looking and this seemed fast since my divorce only went through a couple of weeks ago. Oh don’t worry though, there’s no way I’m gonna talk myself out of a measure of happiness that’s definitely due me after all the hell I’ve been through. The only way I can explain it is with music, of course. I kept thinking of this song last night as we each went our seperate ways, for now. So, til we meet again Shane….this is for you.

Emerson Drive "You’re Like Coming Home"

Ridin’ restless under a broken sky

Weary traveler, something missin’ inside

Always lookin’ for a reason to turn around

Desperate for a little peace of mind

Just a bit of what I left behind

Well, I found it now

Oh, you’re like coming home

Chorus:

You’re like a Sunday morning, pleasin’ my eyes

You’re a mid-summer’s dream under a star-soaked sky

That peaceful, easy feelin’ at the end of a long, long road

You’re like comin’ home

You’re like comin’ home

You’re like comin’ home

Go ahead let your hair fall down

The wanderlust is gone now

Here in your arms

I’m safe from the world again

These are the days that can’t be erased

Baby, there isn’t a better place

You’re like Heaven

Oh, you’re like comin’ home

(Repeat Chorus)

Oh…

You’re that innocence
That serenity

That long lost part of me

You’re like a Sunday morning, pleasin’ my eyes

You’re a mid-summer’s dream under a star-soaked sky

That peaceful, easy feelin’ at the end of a long, long road

(Repeat Chorus)

Oh, you’re like comin’ home

August 14

I’m Divorced!

Well, It’s official since midnight!! I am now divorced after 11yrs of marriage. I feel sad, but at the same time relieved.True, we did separate a year and a half ago, but I never really considered myself single until now. I am divorced…..weird. This will take some getting used to. I’m not even sure how to date anymore, or if I want to. It seems like such a big deal to meet someone, get to know that person, date for awhile, and then what? Break up? I’m not sure I want to do that over and over again. The uncertainty and potential for disappointment is not a real lure at this point. I am ready to start meeting people though, and I have been for a couple weeks now. As for romance?……….not so sure yet. Its like having chocolate ice cream for as long as you can remember and then suddenly…there isn’t anymore, and so you have to choose another flavour, but your not too certain about what you want. Kinda like that I guess…….but not really. I don’t know…….I’ll let ya know when I do though.

July 19

Next Time It Will Be Forever

NEXT TIME IT WILL BE FOREVER  (Dallas Holm & Praise)

I just said goodbye to someone I loved

Never pass this way again

The time we had

Just wasn’t enough

And it hurts to reach the end.

A whole lifetime

Is really no time at all

Just a moment, then it’s gone.

(Chorus)

But… next time it will be forever

Then our hearts will be renewed

There we’ll always be together

Next time it will be forever.

I don’t understand, but I still believe

There’s a purpose in Your plan

And though I may feel that I can’t go on

In Your strength I know I can.

A whole lifetime

Is really no time at all

Just a moment, then it’s gone.

Chorus

And I know that just as sure as there’s a God above

We’ll be reunited once again someday

Then forever we will be together in His love

And together in His love we’ll always stay.

Chorus

 

July 15

Sometimes its hard

Life, ironic that this is titled that when I am sitting here crying over death. I miss my sister and my nieces so much right now!!!!!! We sure missed the girls at camp this year. It was empty, but my cousins children came, so it filled the emptiness a bit. It was also healing. Everytime I walked into the church at camp I started to cry. It’s the first time I could since the accident. For the last 5 months everytime I would start to, I would throw up. So I just didn’t. Part of it, I think, was because I was trying to keep it together for everyone else who was falling apart around me, and so I just stuffed everything in. Part of it was not wanting to believe it really happened. Part of it was for private reasons between my sister and I. I think I’m starting to face it now though. One thing I don’t want to face is my birthday. I don’t ever want a birthday again, because I shared it with her!!!! Why should I celebrate it when she’s not here anymore? November 22 will just be a day I will forget.

I was busy all week since we got back from camp on Sunday. And I thought when I found time to write in here it would be positive, because it was fun there, you almost don’t want to come home. But I am slammed with all kinds of memories lately and everything makes me cry!! Like, I was sitting here with my kids and we started laughing about something and pretty soon, we couldn’t stop laughing and that made me think of Misty and how we would embarrass ourselves in public laughing uncontrollably over nothing. I’d just have to look at her and we’d start all over again. So, when that happened with the kids I ended up crying knowing that will never happen again with Misty. Sure we had problems, but my sister was the best friend I have ever had. Today I miss her. Its so screwed up. One day you miss one and on another day you miss one of the others. How do you grieve 4 people at once? Gotta Go, can’t do this right now.

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